Noctifer: The Shadow of the Adept
By Feriluc °II
There is a shadow within all. Crawling, stalking, hunting just beyond the light of conscious perception it is ever present and always hungry. Various Deific Masks have embodied different aspects of this shadow through time and over a myriad of historical cultures since the dawn of civilization. For myself, the journey towards a gnosis with the shadow has been the most difficult part of my initiation.
When I first began this journey, I was a neophyte to Luciferianism and magick in general. My idea of the shadow was one hidden in the obscurity of a mind that was not yet aware of itself in whole. Like a lion hunkered down in the savannah grass invisible to the herd it stalked, it almost seemed to have a mind of its own yet synchronized with the higher aspects of my mind. I once thought, foolishly at that, that I was in tune with the shadow. But as I have learned over the course of the past year my original idea of the shadow side was flawed and shallow.
Lust, hunger, thirst, war; these where always there but never understood. They are the makeup of the shadow. Instinctual impulses that influenced my every thought, word and action from behind the scenes. I made progress in life but only so far. My magick, although successful in the material realm, was near absent from the spiritual realm. I was not united within.
Eventually, my shadow pounced and took its fill. I lost the progress I made and experienced a fall from the pinnacle of material and social success. During this time of hardship I stopped all practice of magick and application of the Luciferian philosophy for about a year. I doubted myself, my strength and even the stability of my own mind and spirit. To add to my hardship, I tried to continue to live as if nothing had changed at all. I lied to myself for the sake of comfort and familiarity. I paid a price for denying the deeper parts of my shadow.
But then something happened to change things. Something woke me up and I began to realize what I was doing wrong. I picked up the books and re-read them again. To my surprise I could relate to them better. What was once an obscure magickal system of mystery now became a mirror of myself as a whole person. I began to apply magickal practices at a much more potent level with this knowledge and understanding. So, I applied what I understood and contemplated that which I did not understand. The shadow began to stir again. But this time I saw it more clearly than before. I was able to control the shadow at last.
What I have learned is that the shadow cannot be influenced solely by the waking mind for it does not function the same way. The shadow functions on pure impulse and instinct. Although it can be guided by the calculating mind it cannot be understood in the same fashion. It is my perception that one must draw it out as one would draw a beast from hiding. One must become Satan as the tempter in this manner.
Do not deny the shadow on any level. Balance the knowledge of the light with that of the shadow in equal measure. For when the two are finally united then shall the Black Flame be conceived in whole and at full power.